But I Want a Pony
If Tavares, imported from the Americas to Italy like some flashy yacht, then dragged across Europe by his ear to Leeds, is Massimo Cellino’s pawn, then putting him in the team was Darko Milanic’s gambit.
Where is he? Where is our beautiful pony?
Ponies have been in such short supply at Elland Road in recent seasons that to have Adryan Oliveira Tavares snatched from our sight after such fleeting glimpses seems horribly cruel. Do you remember our defeat in Rotherham in October? Do you remember the way Tavares dominated the night as a prancing substitute, the way he made even that really aggravating result fade into insignificance, because our mythical unicorn had become an actual, it’s your birthday and we got you a pony, pony?
If Tavares, imported from the Americas to Italy like some flashy yacht, then dragged across Europe by his ear to Leeds, is Massimo Cellino’s pawn, then putting him in the team was Darko Milanic’s gambit. Darko’s instructions to the rest of the players were that they should stand stock-still in straight lines and hate each other, or that’s how it looked; so his introduction of the most glammed up baller this club has had in years was a surprise.
Like a dour uncle discovered cross-dressing at weekends, Darko was out, loud and proud about Tavares from then on, wearing him to the shops against Norwich and Wolves, at which point Massimo cruelly asked him what he thought he looked like and sent him home to get changed.
Darko’s banishment was far from the end for Tavares, although Redders never quite seemed as comfortable with him in the side; those first few months of Redfearn’s reign looked like an attempt to make do and mend with the hand me downs bought for Hockaday and Milanic, until a Christmas clearout uncovered the players Redders had been looking for at the back of the wardrobe.
Look at the team that embarrassed itself at Portman Road in early December, and against the fast-moving cycle of modern football it looks and feels like ancient history. Antenucci, Doukara, Tavares, Bianchi, Warnock, Pearce; six of the eleven are either gone for good or seldom seen.
When those that remain do show themselves, they’re like unwelcome guests at a birthday party for someone they used to know through work. Jeez, is he still friends with them? Why did he keep in touch with those guys?
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