Brenden Aaronson must really want this

All that obscures the blue sky is the lush foliage of the trees lining the avenue as the two US college age sweethearts, squeezed onto one e-scooter, barrel down the cycleway. The boy, holding a selfie stick, switches their camera between front and back views as he films their lush surroundings passing by at some speed, then their excited faces, the girl giggling, the boy laughing more nervously, perhaps with a small thought for his legs and his career. But who cares about that when you're young? 'Pov,' the text on the screen says, 'you're scootering your way through Europe w the love of your life.' The caption beneath reads, 'Absolutely zero complaints here.'

Or take another video, posted on TikTok with the caption, 'This cafe will forever have a place in my heart'. The video shows half-drunk coffees on the table, ham and eggs for brunch, along with bread and jam, orange juice with slices of fruit wedged on the glass. It pans across the green and white striped umbrellas protecting tables from the sun on this terrace, over to a gorgeous city square; there are pale pink and blue buildings with more cafe tables spilling across the clean stones. A young couple goes cycling slowly through as if cued by Wes Anderson. The chosen music is 'La Dolce Vita'.

There's one captioned 'dreamiest running path — will I ever stop posting about this path? no', showing the two out for a run along a tarmac route winding between fields of flowers, flat to the horizon where the Alps rise. Some hens peck between the dandelions; there's a shed filled with docile cows, a farmhouse from an animated love story. A similar video, with a church and a few horses, and a clean, fast-flowing river, is simply captioned, 'fairytale land'. TikTok put a warning on another clip, advising viewers before they watched about 'Sensitive content: some people may find this video to be disturbing.' Tapping 'Watch anyway' revealed a slideshow of cutesy happy coupley photos taken on dreamy days on snowy Alpine trails, skipping through Austrian meadows. I certainly did find this content disturbing because my mouldy old heart didn't know whether to celebrate their happiness or envy it while my last pretences of youth crumbled to dust. Oh to be young and healthy, to be rich athletes abroad in love with each other and their life. In Salzburg.

I love Yorkshire, because I was born here and have lived most of my life here and am tuned in to its darker, idiosyncratic beauty. I welcome USA international midfielder Brenden Aaronson to Leeds United Football Club after his big money transfer from Red Bull Salzburg and I'm looking forward to seeing him play. I hope he and the woman he calls 'the girlfriend' in a Red Bull 'Day in the Life' video, Milana, will be very happy here. But I have deliberately waited until after the contract is signed before voicing a thought that nags at me whenever I look at their social media shares: why would anyone leave Champions League football and a lifestyle lifted from The Sound of Music for the bottom of the Premier League and life in fucking Leeds? Leeds is splendid. Leeds is my home. But the other day, on a 'nice' morning when it was only raining a bit, I watched from my window as three rats chased each other around my neighbour's lawn. I keep imagining Brenden and Milana throwing back the curtains of their new home to drizzle-filled Yorkshire skies, opening the window to let in the stench from the dung-strewn farms, thinking about the drive into training alongside not the Alps but a Cat C Prison. At that moment they remember the previous day's visit to the city centre, searching for a bit of their old life in Mitteleuropa, and finding only Dortmund Square. And I'm picturing the pair of them bursting into tears.