Bournemouth 2-2 Leeds United: Thank you everyone
It got more exciting, but the frustrating sort of exciting, the no points kind, an exasperating missed chance to clear the lingering risk of relegation and go, beleaguerless, to enjoy Wembley. Until Sean Longstaff stepped up and volleyed in.
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Time to doff our caps once more to this season's lesser seen friend, the good late goal, and scowl at our enemy, the late goal against Leeds. The latter came stomping all over United's start to the season, going in for Fulham, Bournemouth, Manchester City; Newcastle away being the worst of the worst, until the Peacocks managed a few for themselves. Ao Tanaka's 96th minute equaliser in the 3-3 at home to Liverpool was the first that forgave all that came before it in the game, sending fans home happy with their last memory of the last thing they'd seen.
Then Lukas Nmecha against Fulham, avenging Gabriel Gudmundsson's own goal at Craven Cottage. And now Sean Longstaff at Dean Court, cancelling out Eli Junior Kroupi's 93rd minute equaliser at Elland Road in September with a 97th minute equaliser in April that was, sorry Cherries, better. Was it better than Longstaff's own top corner volley in the first game? The good news is we don't have to pick. Two lovely volleys from our back-up guarantor of Premier League survival. "Just hit it as hard as you can," he confided afterwards, was, "the advice I got off Alan Shearer a few years ago."
That's what went into Longstaff's biggest impact in a Leeds shirt so far. He's played less and done less than we might have expected this season, and I've been wary of his inverse Midasness, coming on to strengthen the midfield against Nottingham Forest, Aston Villa and now Bournemouth, minutes before Leeds conceded each time. It happened twice at Bournemouth, because after Rayan — who appears to be Bournemouth's Raphinha — buried Tyler Adams' 85th minute cross to apparently win the game, Evanilson — who might also be their Raphinha — took a pitch length pass through midfield from Marcos Senesi — their Franco flippin' Baresi, by the looks of him — and scored to make it 3-1, from a VAR'd offside position.
2-1 looked like enough for the Cherries, though, until Ethan Ampadu's long throw was flicked up at the front post, and Longstaff marched into the penalty area, eyes on the ball, to volley it with more care than he was letting on into the bottom corner. Bournemouth's manager, Andoni Iraola, was furious, claiming that moments after their third goal was disallowed for offside, this should have been disallowed because Joel Piroe was offside in front of his goalie.
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"It affects the view of Petrović. It makes it more difficult for him to save that goal, definitely," said Iraola, who knows his 'keeper better than I do: perhaps Đorđe Petrović really does need a path clearing, so he can be carried towards the ball like an Edwardian lady towards her fainting coach.
Of the four players blocking his view, getting Petrović hopping and jumping like an exasperated tourist at a crowded beauty spot, Piroe was the least in his way. And the goalie didn't even complain, which the referee might have gently pointed out to Iraola as he thumped the walls of his changing rooms, before asking him, perhaps, why he even cares? It's only Bournemouth and he's off soon anyway.
Tyler Adams definitely cared, but not because of Bournemouth, because of Leeds, and his own weird ego. Adams has been saying a lot, lately, for a player who has only started three and finished one game since Christmas. "That’s a difficult atmosphere to play in and thrive in when you’re trying to chase a championship," he told Men in Blazers about Arsenal's Premier League title chasing players and the "nervy" atmosphere at the Emirates, as if he would know (championships won: MLS Supporters' Shield 2018).
About the upcoming World Cup, Adams said it's about time the USMNT "knocked off a big boy," speaking to Vicar's Innuendo Weekly. Sorry, ESPN. To Leeds fans, he cupped his ear and waved his arms after setting up Bournemouth's second. The main thing he seems to have learned from his mentor, Jesse Marsch, is about always carrying a chip bag of illogical grievances about the discredit they absolutely deserve. Haters gonna hate, they think, without pausing to remember that oh yeah, actually, I did all that stuff that these haters hated and that's why.
All of which does a good job of obscuring the first eighty minutes or so of this game, which is absolutely fine. Leeds seemed to be suffering from pre-Wembley nerves, and to be fair, what else was there to do on the flight down to Bournemouth but sing 'Abide with me' and watch YouTube footage of Keith Edwards' against Coventry? Or, based on how they were playing, Brendon Ormsby against Coventry (just kick it out, Brendon!).
Jayden Bogle in particular seemed to have brought his bad feet with him, and got what the players must have been fearing most before the semi-final, a bad foot. Bournemouth took the lead on the hour when Tanaka got caught doing too much in his own half, and Gudmundsson got caught trying to help him. Senesi advanced, put Kroupi through, and that pretty much looked like the game.
Looming cup or not, this was also a reminder that in many ways Leeds United are not a very good Premier League team. That's just a fact when Bournemouth are 7th and Leeds are 15th, two points behind Newcastle United who are having a miserable, awful time. That's because the Geordies are playing beneath themselves, though, whereas the joy of the Peacocks' rise to safety is in how hard the players are working to be better than they ought otherwise to be, to overcome the fact that even Bournemouth's squad cost twice as much to assemble as Leeds United's.
Lukas Nmecha, one of our two freebie strikers, came off the bench and changed the game. We can't entirely discount the FA Cup here either, because he played like someone making a last gasp attempt at securing his spot for Wembley. He made a good case, too, because if Chelsea's players didn't like Liam Rosenior making their lives inconvenient, imagine how they'll react to Lukas Nmecha getting in among them with his body, his arms, his legs, his blissful carelessness for anything but the ball. That's how Leeds equalised first, from a long throw that was flicked on and scrambled for, until Nmecha used his backside to declare an exclusion zone so his fellow sub, Wilf Gnonto, could shoot in off James Hill.
There was grace, too, because Nmecha can do both: his deft volley from Gnonto's cross hit the outside of the post at 2-1. Earlier, Noah Okafor had hit the other post, and Senesi had headed a corner off the bar, and Karl Darlow made a good save from Rayan, and Bournemouth had two penalty shouts waved away, and it was all more exciting for the last half an hour. Maybe too exciting, the frustrating sort of exciting, returning no points from a long, long journey, an exasperating missed chance to clear the lingering risk of relegation and go, beleaguerless, to enjoy Wembley.
Until Longstaff stepped up and volleyed in. Causing chaos in the stands and bringing us peace of mind for Sunday. Somewhere up there I called him our 'guarantor of Premier League survival', which is how I felt when he signed. Something about Sean Longstaff just makes him seem impervious to relegation. He might not ever reach the dizzy heights of an MLS Supporters' Shield, but he won't pretend to, either.
And he will humbly hammer a stoppage time equaliser that feels at least as important as any other goal Leeds have scored this season, clearing heads and lifting spirits before a match we didn't expect and can now enjoy. In fact, Premier League safety — which is what this surely now is — is something few people expected for Leeds, with four games still to go, that we can now enjoy too. Probably. So thank you, Sean, and thank you everyone. ⭑彡
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As goalkeeper, Nigel Martyn knew what this pre-match bluster meant. "If they think they can score four, Deportivo must have singled me out," he said.
(part two)
David Beckham went into hiding. Paul Ince locked himself away in the hotel. David Batty, meanwhile, was in the bar, watching a replay on television, cringing at Kevin Keegan confidently predicting he'd score.
If the Peacocks of 1950 could overcome Arsenal, they'd reach the FA Cup semi-final. And that could mean, it was reported, another trip to London, if the semi-finals were moved to Wembley.
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